Weekly Blog 11/26/18 | Changing Mindset, Altering Self-Image, and Paradigm Shifts

Hey all!

We all reach points in life where we, naturally and appropriately, question how we view ourselves in relation to the wideer world. We ask, am I primarily a parent or a worker? An employee, or an employer? Mostly working at building a career, or mostly holding down a day job to fund a passion project? Winner or loser? Someone or just one amongst many?

Personally I don’t believe that any of these are inherently good or bad, right or wrong. Nor do I believe that any one quality, status, or identity need fit one person for their whole life.

When I was ten, I would tell everyone that I was going to be a writer when I grew up – a novelist, specifically – and to please tell me off if I ever even CONSIDERED being anything else.

At fifteen, I insisted I was going to be a graphic novelist.

At eighteen, a social worker or art therapist.

At twenty-three, I probably would have shrugged and said “I won’t grow up, I’ll probably be dead sooner than that.”

And now, at twenty-eight?

Technically, I’m a 3D modeler, VR engineer, artist, and writer. I do both less and more than I had planned as a younger human.

I have never published a novel, but I’ve written a few, and I am currently writing a novella that I plan to self-publish. I have never finished a graphic novel, but I’ve done a few one-off comic books. I have not gotten a degree, so I’m not a social worker or art therapist, but I’ve had the opportunity to run groups and do workshops and presentations about my recovery from mental illness. Unexpectedly, I’ve gotten some training in 3D/VR software, and I do 3D model design and VR engineering. I also run a small YouTube channel, something I’d said was definitely not for me.

I am not dead, and am hoping not to be anytime soon.

So basically, I guess my point is that you never know where life is going to take you. You’re going to gain interest in, stumble upon, and learn about things that you hadn’t even been aware of ten years ago – so how could you know where you’ll be in ten years?

And that is totally okay. Dream like you’ll live forever, live like you’ll die tomorrow. Do what you love, even if that’s never the same thing twice. Be yourself, whoever that happens to be today.

Change is not inherently good or bad. Our reactions to change determine how we experience that change. I used to hate the idea of “me” changing. I wanted to have a single identity, never changing, something I could lean on. I wanted to just be so passionate about something that I could point to that one thing and say “That’s what I do, that’s who I am. I eat, sleep, and breathe that.”

But to be honest, in practice, I don’t actually think that’s healthy. If you have something that consumes you to the detriment of you being you, it…well, that doesn’t work for me.

Much as I may resent it, I’m just a human. A complex, flawed, multifaceted human with a lot of interests, a lot of hobbies, and a lot of skill sets. Sometimes I’m happy about working in 3D/VR, other times it feels like “why am I even trying to do this?!” Sometimes I feel that ache of need to just be a writer or just be a comic artist, but really, if I just did one thing, I’d miss the others.

Am I easily distracted? Do I have focus issues? Am I scattered? Am I just really, really a Gemini when it comes to work?

At this point I don’t really question it. If it’s a noveling day, I work on a novel. If I feel moved to work on art, I pull out the paint and brushes. If my heart is crying out for 3D modeling, I boot up Blender.

It’s okay to have a lot of interests. It’s really okay. Most people are more complex than we realize, or indeed give them credit for. Very few people can be defined by one vocation, especially if you include all the years and seasons of their lives.

It’s romantic to think that we can just love and be one thing forever, but not realistic. And that’s okay. Be who you are today, do what you love today. Sleep, dream, wake up, and take tomorrow as it comes.

~Taylor

Life Hits The Fan | Finances, Insurance, Day Jobs, and The Future Of My Art :(

Hey guys. It’s Julian.

Things ain’t good.

flatwash_cube_paint
“Cube.” 9×12″, ink and watercolor.

I’m likely losing my insurance and most of my income in September, and now it’s looking like my day job is in danger, too. My disability kept me out of work for 5 years; I’ve only been working again for 5 months.

I’m frustrated, but I’m beginning to realize that I may not be able to keep up this “conventional work” thing. It’s terrifying, though, because my disability benefits are disappearing in two months, and without them, I’d have NO income – which is not a good situation, for a single young person who can barely afford rent and bills as it is.

The answer that seems obvious is for me to go full time with my art – the one thing that’s really working in my life, the one thing I’m good at – but I just don’t have that kind of popularity/platform yet. I would LOVE to live off of commissions and Patreon, but it’s actually REALLY difficult to get that kind of thing started. I’m not well-known enough to be able to sell my art for what it’s actually worth. And I can barely afford my supplies as it is.

flatwash_flower_paint
“Chicory.” 9×12″, ink and watercolor.

But for right now, at least, I do have a pretty good supplementary income from my Etsy shop – mostly from my traveler’s notebooks – and that provides about $50-$100 a month to fund my art habit. It doesn’t sound like much, but I go through a sketchbook every couple of months, notebooks require supplies, and I use at least a pad of watercolor paper every month…that adds up.

So I really, really appreciate everyone who has been supporting me. If you want to support me further, please remember, you DON’T have to spend money – just favoriting items from my shop, subscribing to my social media accounts, or just reading this blog, pushes me higher in search results, and that in turn results in more hits and sales on my shop.

flatwash_crystals_paint
“Crystals.” 9×12″, ink and watercolor.

But if you do have a few bucks, there’s a lot of fun stuff on my Etsy shop – including my comic My Life On The Sidelines, notebooks and notebook supplies, and even some prints. Items range from $2 to $60-ish and there’s usually a sale going on.

Again, thank you so much to everyone who has been supporting me through this time. I have noticed a spike in Etsy orders, which is wonderful, and I hope this will continue. I’m just dreaming of the day that I won’t need a day job and can just draw and paint and make things for you guys all day. 🙂

I hope this wasn’t too much of a bummer. I just wanted to keep y’all updated. The reality is hitting me – that this is a Tower card moment, this is one of those moments of massive upheaval that throws everything off course. This, my friends, is a Saturn Return. (I turned 29 in June; this is normal, astrologically.)

I’m uploading more and more on my YouTube channel, so check it out if you’d like to hear me ramble about art, Tarot, and more. 🙂

All the best,

~Julian

Weekly Update 11/27/17 | Journaling, Grimoire Work, and a YouTube URL!!

Hey y’all!!

I’m busy with some Real Life stuff, but all is well – I’m just generally busy and stressed. Anxiety has been a major issue too, but I’m doing my utmost to maintain this site and my other accounts.

Speaking of, I have some minor but exciting news: I finally became eligible for a YouTube custom URL!! Which means that instead of a long series of letters and numbers, I can direct people to youtube.com/c/JulianJaymes ! SUPER excited about that. This is all because I hit 100 subscribers. 100 people!! 100 people wanted to see my videos?! Whaaaat?! Weird. Thank you to every single one!!

My YouTube, by the way, is primarily about three things: Tarot, art, and journaling. My current top video is my first video showing my grimoire – it has over 2500 views, which is crazy to me. It’s not even that good a video, I want to say, but if people like it and maybe got inspired, then it’s all good. 🙂 I’m working on a new grimoire, though, so I’m excited to share that soon too. I’m doing more planning this time, and Im hopeful that it will turn out well.

I’ve been working a looooot on Traveler’s Notebook stuff, primarily filming videos on the TN system and making TN’s and inserts for them. And the new grimoire I’m making is in a TN too! I’m working on making more for sale, but until now, here’s the one I have listed: https://www.etsy.com/listing/559584096/black-leather-extra-wide-travelers?ref=shop_home_feat_1

Thank you so, so much to everyone who’s subscribed to my YouTube recently, and to the people who subscribed ages ago too…I’m really excited to share more with you, so please stay tuned!

~Julian